its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
