I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
