I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
