The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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