pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
