Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
