Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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