found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
