I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
