End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
