I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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