1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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