P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
