i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
