Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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