I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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