It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
