I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
