wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
how drunk are you?
Several
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
