I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
