I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
