You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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