i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think we might need a safe word for this...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
