I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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