so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
