I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
