Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
