If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
