Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
