After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
