theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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