Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
