She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
