did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
