I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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