was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
