Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
