I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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