this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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