He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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