so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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