Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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