Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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