another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
