Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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