I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
