She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
