Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize