The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
