Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
