So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
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Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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