Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Damn victory sex feels great
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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