Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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