can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
