one two three fourrrrnication!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
