Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
