There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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