I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
