I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
