just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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