hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize