Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
