Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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