I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
