3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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