last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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