That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
