My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
