I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
