I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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