I look better un-naked...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
