I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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