my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
