She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
