he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
