Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
