Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
