i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
