He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
