I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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