Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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