Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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